Stopped Meditating? Easily Distracted? Take a Seat, Relax and Read. Then Meditate

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I was thinking about some of the reasons I've heard people give for stopping meditating. One of them is "I just can't concentrate on one thing for very long. My thoughts just kind of drift off after a bit. And I get distracted."


So I decided to write this short piece to help you return to meditating. I've included a few very simple tips.  That's all.  But for some people it been the difference between avoiding meditating and really enjoying being there in meditation.  Sure, there are more sophisticated techniques but you won't find them here today. They'll be coming later. 


There are two things I'm going to suggest to help remedy the fallout from distraction.  The first is to accept that your thoughts will 'drift off' sometimes.  Shocking isn't it?  You! Getting distracted! Not in control. Not achieving!  That must feel like shit!  Which at some point very quickly makes you ask the question "why do I want to feel like shit?"  So you stop meditating.  Or you avoid meditating regularly.  Because it's the quickest way to feeling in control again. But what it really means is you've just hidden the shit. You ain't removed it.  You've not even accepted that sometimes 'shit happens.'  


And there will be times when 'sometimes' may be more frequent than others.  There's probably lots of reasons for this but that's beyond the focus of this article.  Now, in accepting distracting thoughts and preparing for them, you can easily return your attention to meditating. And that means gentle practice.  Your not preparing for a marathon here. But you are preparing to lay solid, flexible foundations for your many meditations.


In a nutshell, what I'm saying is relax. It's OK. It's normal to be distracted sometimes.  So when you notice you are distracted, gently return your attention to your breathing, the candle flame or whatever else you are focussing upon. Acceptance it's normal. Be gentle. And return to meditating. I like telling myself that I've got the opportunity to be in a place where the only distractions are in my head. And I can learn to control that. 


To be doing this effectively you've got to prepare.  There are several ways to build in this skill. I'll pick just the simplest one for now.  To begin you simply tell yourself that you will notice when you're distracted and then return to your breathing.  Or to say it another way "as soon as I'm aware I've drifted off, l'll return my attention to meditating."


Get used to telling yourself this before you meditate.  It's gets your mind focussed upon meditating with a positive intent and presupposes you can do it. Alternatively, you could copy the lady who told me she couldn't tell herself that because she can't concentrate on anything for very long!  And that led me into all sorts of things (after I'd finished laughing) which I'll write about another time. But she did learn to relax, concentrate (she'd already done this for years of course, it was just reminding her she can) and she meditated.


Now, you already know the difference between being focussed and being distracted. You know exactly what it feels like. Otherwise you wouldn't use it as an excuse for not meditating.  You also know the criticism you give yourself because of it.


Have you ever thought that meditating would be simpler if you recognised the criticism as another useful tool to stop the distraction and return to meditating? What do you think might happen if you wrote down the criticisms and replaced each one with something encouraging you to meditate again and again?


So now you know that,  the second step is to practice returning your attention to meditating after you've noticed your distracted. You can do this right now. Simply pick a spot on the wall or a candle flame or your partner's shoes lying in front of you.  Tell yourself that as soon as you notice your distracted you'll return to 'meditating' upon the shoes.  Sounds kinda simple doesn't it?  Not very exciting or ground breaking is it? Well your probably right on both counts.  But do it anyway. Making the right judgements about things you've not explored yet may lead to all sorts of really useful things.

I'll expand on this in due course.  For now I'll wish you all the best with your practise. 

Relax People - I Think We'll be OK

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Are you happy to experiment for a moment? It'll be quite brief. But possibly long lasting.  The important thing is that I hope you find it pleasant. And maybe very relaxing.


If you're not already sat down, please take a moment to do so.


Feel all the sensations of your body on the seat.  Whatever they may be.  Wherever you may be. However you are sat.  Notice every sensation that you can find.  Just take your time in doing this.  It's OK to move your body slightly to feel even more comfortable. Really feel what it's like to be sat where you are, how you are, right now. And I wonder what you're noticing?

Allow yourself to relax. Every part of you that really wants to relax, can do so now. Whenever you allow yourself to do so. And when you are ready.  Give your self permission to be relaxing even deeper, now.  And if you find a little thought that's critical of what you're doing,  just let it pass.

And if you find a thought occurring that causes discomfort in your body, just let it pass. Then allow yourself to relax even more.  Just feeling the places where your relaxing and more relaxing. Then let those good sensations happen naturally, easily, wherever you want.

Maybe everything is taken care of in this moment. So you can enjoy deeper relaxing feelings through your whole body. And if you were to tell yourself something comforting, relaxing right now, what would it be?  Maybe you will find a word or phrase that helps you go even deeper. Even deeper into a much more relaxing way.

Just how good is this relaxing feeling?  And as you discover more of yourself in this moment, I wonder how easy it is to relax even more?  Because relaxing is the key to recovery from stress. And regular relaxation is the key to feeling good.

So giving yourself this opportunity to be relaxing, even more deeply relaxing is a special thing. A healthy thing. An ever present thing because relaxing can happen whenever you want it.

And asking yourself when and where you want it, is a good thing. Because now, when you feel like relaxing, you are already relaxing. And when you're wondering just how much more relaxing, you can be relaxing even more.

The Basics of Self Awareness - How You Notice More of Yourself in the Moment

Sometimes we just get stuck into a repeating cycle of negative thinking. Unhelpful thoughts that quickly make us feel bad.  It's a bit like having a sadistic neurologist rewiring bits of your brain. Then you wander around feeling terrible and wondering how the day got so bad.

If you're really unlucky you'll be staggered at how quickly a bad day became an awful week.  But 'luck' has nothing to do with it.  It's more about awareness. You can call it mindfulness or focusing. It's about noticing the difference between good and bad feelings and the thoughts that create them.


What's in this for you?

This article will give you the basics to 'step out' of the repeating cycle of particularly unhelpful thoughts, sensation or emotions.  You'll become aware of how you're reacting to a situation. Furthermore, that will give you the opportunity to choose to react or do something else instead.  


In my experience we usually feel bad (and worse) when we stop paying attention to how we respond to our daily experiences. Our thoughts, like judgements and our emotions are how we experience events in our lives.  Sometimes events can be unpleasant and we get stuck in cycles of negative thinking. What do I mean by negative thinking? They're either thoughts we have that tell us to do something that we're unwilling or unable to do.  As a result we get lousy emotions or feel 'dragged down.'

Then there are 'unhelpful thoughts.'  These are the type of thoughts that are no longer useful.  Except that they tell us we're making ourselves feel crap. But we tend to ignore that message because we learn to get lost in it's cycle of 'heavy' physical sensations and 'low' moods. 

The good thing is they're on a kind of automatic loop. Just like on an mp3 player.  The thing we want to do is press pause or stop on the loop. Then choose something else we prefer to listen to. This is how you can do it!



 Before you do anything else, I want you to notice three things:

1. What are you thinking in this moment?
2. What kind of emotions are you having right now? (or how are you feeling?)
3. What kind of physical sensations are you aware of now?

Write them down in as much detail as you like.  Notice any judgements you make on any of these three experiences.  Are you automatically reacting to anything?
Trust me when I say it's really useful to be aware of what's taking place for you in this present moment.


Why?

I believe it helps us appreciate how thoughts affect emotions, affect our bodies. And how you may experience them as being connected in different ways. For example imagine someone has back pain. They repeatedly tell themselves about this pain (is their body not telling them enough already?) by describing how it'll prevent them enjoying themselves.  In turn this makes them 'feel' worse.  I'm not suggesting it's universal for everyone.  But maybe there's a pattern to how some people react. And maybe we can learn to interrupt this pattern to create something more useful.

I feel more awareness of the present moment brings opportunities to accept what's happening (hey, it's happening...it is what it is) but also to create the space to get the best from it.  Is there any point in endlessly moaning about back pain?  I've met people who suffer chronic pain and endured years of surgery.  They're not happy about it that's for sure. But they've taught themselves to enjoy many moments in life.  They've learnt to avoid too much self pity (self pity for one of them led to more emotional upset, a poor diet and depression - surely that's something to avoid?).   

So the simple exercise below is based upon Mindfulness. Yes, it's very popular at the moment. You've probably heard all about it.  Maybe you're practising it regularly. And that's great.  Please tell me what it's like for you in the comments below this post.  I love to read about it and feel it's inspiring.  I've read that Mindfulness has been used for hundreds of years by Buddhist practitioners.  Is that a secret to longevity, do you think? Anyway...


How You Notice More of Yourself in this Moment

Sit quietly and comfortably. With both feet on the floor and your back upright if this posture is good for you.  Give yourself this space in your day to relax.  Just let your body really relax.  Let it unfold into the place where you're sat, allowing yourself to feel much more comfortable in your own way, in your own time. 

• Now, sit quietly as if everything at this time has been taken care of. You don't have to do anything. Simply sit and observe. And in your own time, notice the thoughts you're having. Yes, even the ones about reading this exercise.  It's OK to just observe them. Maybe you're curious about what you'll notice about your thoughts? And if you get distracted, simply observe your thoughts again. Remember to accept that whatever thoughts you have are a part of you at this time.  You do not have to act on them or react to them.  So, take it easy, giving yourself these moments to be even more comfortable. 

• Now, notice what emotions you have at this moment. Don't expect extreme emotions like ecstasy or anger.  Do be aware if you're feeling 'patience', 'curiousity', 'satisfaction' or it's opposite, 'happiness' or it's opposite.  For the sake of this exercise we'll refer to them simply as emotions. So notice, in detail,  whatever you can about your emotion or emotions at this time. Please be accepting of your emotions.  As you know, they make up part who you are at this moment. So notice if you're allowing yourself to be accepting of  this.

• Finally, observe any physical sensations in your body.  You'll probably be aware of the sensations that 'speak' the loudest.  Acknowledge it's there.  Accept it.  Accept that you are where you are, experiencing this.  Notice any other sensations too.  But don't act on them or react to them so long as you feel safe to just observe.

When you're ready to do so, stop.  Stay seated for some moments while you are becoming aware of the sights and sounds in your surroundings. The important thing now is to note what you observed or discovered from the exercise.  I'm often curious about just how much more of myself I become aware of.  I know, it sounds kinda strange.  But through repetition some useful but strange things become very normal. So, what did you find?

You may have discovered the way your thoughts, emotions and sensations respond to each other. Perhaps you found that you have the ability to 'step out' from their effects and observe them.

Feel free to make notes on whatever you noticed during the exercise.  I also find it useful to highlight differences between what I noticed before I did this exercise and what I notice about myself afterwards. 


A small note on Acceptance.  

You may have discovered thoughts, emotions, sensations that concerned you in some way. If so, please find a practical solution to resolve any issues. If that means speak with a partner, child, friend, colleague or even consult with a medical practitioner then do so.  It's good to accept what you're experiencing but the causes of them may not be so 'acceptable.' And that may mean changing the causes so you can experience something better instead. 

I hope you find this of great benefit or useful in some way.  Happy practising!


Give me your feedback!


Thanks for reading.